Since I've been in Beijing this summer, I've given a lot of thought to what it means to have an identity and in that respect, what mine might be. Part of the reason is that Beijing is very different from places that I've been in Southern China which have been long exposed to both international influence and people from basically all over. For example, while interning in Shenzhen in the financial district, I barely got a side glance from anyone since on my way to work there'd be individuals of African descent, European descent and even Middle Eastern descent around me!
Beijing is different. For all of its claims to being an international city, Beijing is not without its pai wai (prejudices). Four instances stick out a lot in my mind:
1) Baidu speaker event - Cornell, Penn, Harvard, MIT alumni etc in attendance:
** interaction with local Chinese wait staff **
About the third week I was here, I got an invite to an alumni event featuring Robin Li, founder of Baidu.com at a rather trendy restrauant area in Chaoyang district called Block8. DO NOT GO TO THIS PLACE. EVER.
At the end of the speaker event, there was supposed to be a small dinner (2 courses). Unfortunately for the waiters, everyone was too busy mingling and networking to sit down for dinner. I ended up sitting at a table with two entrepreuners connected with my firm, a guy we had just met and a fellow intern.
As it was, I was sitting at the only table with all Chinese people. We were the first to sit down, and the first to order. The other tables didn't sit down until at least 20 mins after us but got served first. In fact, the table with the majority "white" diners got served first despite arriving sitting last. They waited a total of ten mins for their food. . . . we ended up waiting over an hour and half for our food. At one point, one of the entrepreuners got upset (both are active CEOs and time is money) and asked to speak to the manager. The manager, the waiter, and the hostess then explained to us slowly in Chinese (as if we were children) that our food was especially difficult to prepare and a long wait was typical. Not a bad explanation. Minus the fact there were only two options on the menu and we had ordered the exact same thing as everyone else.
Technically, we were all guests at the event, all paying 150 RMB for our dinner (not a small sum when the avg salary in Beijing is 2500 monthly), students of prestigious foreign universities, etc etc so what's with the discrepancy?
2) Climbing SiMaTai - a section of the Great Wall
**interaction with ex-pats**
Last weekend I went to the Great Wall with Matt, a HBS MBA student and fellow Beijing summer intern, and his friend Jodie (local). Along the climb, I noticed an interesting pattern. There is a very strong expat community here in Beijing and an atomsphere of quick bonding over shared backgrounds - college experience, etc. For those not familar with the term, expat refers to those with non-Chinese citizenships living in China. Everytime we passed someone foreign (European, American, Australian), they would stop to make friendly chitchat with Matt. In English. For the record, Matt is tall and has blonde hair. Each looked surprised when they heard me chime in with accentless English and none actively spoke English to me or gave me an extra glance when passing me along the way.
Perhaps you could say they were erring on the side of caution. I have no doubt that that's the case. However. I was wearing a t-shirt I had bought on Telegraph at Berkeley and black shorts (very Californian looking). And I ran into quite a few UC study abroad students who were, 80% Asian. Moreover, locals can always pick me out from my body language before I say a word and my Cantonese/English accent kicks in.
Heuristics? Maybe anyone who is Asian-looking and they do not know directly can be assumed not to speak English and not have much in common with them.
Nevertheless the feeling of belonging neither here nor there is very poignant.
3) "You blend in well."
**interaction with ABCs**
Last week, Jessica Lee (from Stanford) visited and paid me a great compliment. After watching me manuveur the city by bus and joking around with local students, she said: "You blend in well." On one hand, it's a great compliment to my ability to adapt and getting a little better at Chinese.
On the other hand, it's really not true. I'll work on my Chinese for the rest of my life, but I probably won't lose the English accent I've acquired from living in the US for so long. And there are some habits and body language that all "hai gui" (Sea turtles, or sea returnees, Chinese living abroad who have returned to China) have that I will never lose.
It did remind me that I don't really count as an ABC. First of all, I wasn't born in the United States and am not eligible to run for president. Second, I don't identify with it. I will always have two homes (wherever I reside at the time in the US and Guangzhou, China where I was born, all my relatives still are, and we've bought a flat). I've been told that, that kind of thinking makes me a little odd. Often when asked which place I like better - the US or China, I answer with, "I like different things about both."
Too fobby to be ABC, not fobby enough to be FOB.
4) Where is your father from? Where is your mother from?
Every time I'm in China, people find polite ways to ask me if I'm mixed. Apparently something about my facial features, hair and body make me look actually physically different, even compared with other Americanized Chinese. As one of my coworkers put it politely, Where is your father from? (Guangzhou) Where is your mother from? (Guangzhou). She quickly put two and two together to figure out I'm not. In fact, my documented family tree goes back some thirty generations on my mothers side and at least six on my fathers side as being fully Han Chinese.
Nevertheless, everyone asks. From the taxi driver to the girl washing my hair to my coworker to a local student I met to a guy trying to pick me up at the club, all see me as multiracial (or at least Chinese + another Asian ethnicity). I've actually had people full blown stare, whisper (I can speak Chinese. . . ), walk away, and then walk back and stare through a window.
I've been told it's a compliment. Mixed children are cute, and multiracial stars are all the rage (Maggie Q is ridiculously hot after all). Yet it's not my identity and thus not one I feel comfortable assuming or being assumed to be.
I spoke to my coworker, Shirley about these mixed and conflicting reactions in the cab ride back from visiting one of the startups we're doing due diligence on right now. She actually moved to the US from Taiwan when she was 10 and went to Stanford for undergrad. She nodded and said she felt the same way a lot of the time and has coined the phrase: hybrid identity to describe her take on her own identity.
Hybrid identity.
A rose is a rose because we recognize it to be one. If a tree falls in a forest and no living thing ever hears, nothing is ever affected, did it fall? People and events in isolation have no significance. The definition of a culture in socio-cultural anthropology is a shared set of history, ideologies and practices recognized by outsiders and with limits and criteria for membership placed by the insiders.
There is indeed a 1.5 generation of Chinese Americans, if small. If you need proof, just visit my former weekend Chinese school or the NYC Chinese beauty pageant website with featured bios of 12 ABC young women or Chinese Americans (depending on how you look at it). All contestants are born aboard, speak fluent Chinese and now go to American schools.
Thus, I cannot complain that my community is nonexistant. However, our experiences do differ depending on when we immigrated and to which area of the US. Therefore, we may not always recognize the other as our peer and this identity is a shaky one.
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